Further along than we first thought

Hey everyone! As some of you know, we had our second baby doc appointment today. Besides the Dr. running WAY behind schedule so we didn't get to meet her, our trip was a blessing, to say the least. Dustin was getting a little frustrated due to hunger and having to get back to work. We had been sitting in our little room for 45 min. But then, the nurse practitioner showed up to help our backed up Dr. Apparently, they are going by a new due date, according to the ultrasound we had last month. So as of today I am 11 weeks 3 days pregnant (so I am already into my 12th week!!)! Our new due date is Sept 2, 2008, which I believe was our friend Annie's due date 2 years ago now. Funny! The nurse practitioner told us were going to listen to the baby's heartbeat - I got really excited! But the little one didn't want us to hear it - :-(. So, she went and got the ultrasound machine instead and boy was it ever worth it! All Dustin's frustrations melted away. The baby has grown SO much in the past 3 weeks! We saw the arms and legs, the profile (nose, eyes, mouth, and even an ear!)! And it was moving A LOT! And guess what ya'll? Our baby waved to us!!! (Yea, yea I know. It was probably just moving around...) But it sure looked like a calculated wave like she/he was saying "Hey parents! Wuz up?" It was totally amazing and a definite change from the lil peanut he/she looked like just a few weeks ago. Now it truly looks human! Due to my mom wanting to come out after we find out the gender, they went ahead and pre-scheduled my "anatomical survey" ultrasound for April 14 (the day after my 27th birthday) so hopefully my mom can go ahead and find a flight, and maybe even get here for the ultrasound itself! That is only 2 months away! Incredible miracle! That's what this is! Thank You Lord for this amazing opportunity to bring one of Your children into this world! Praise God!

2 months

WOW! I can't believe I am at the 2 month mark already. 2/3 done with 1st trimester fun! You know, I don't know how other women do it. Especially women that really get sick with their pregnancies. I am finding out I am an incredible wimp. I get nauseous and I complain. I get a headache and I complain. I get tired of sleep and I complain. So far, I really suck at being pregnant - and I have been blessed compared to others! I guess I expect to feel perfect and great all the time. I hate feeling sick, and I can see why some women would get depressed at the beginning. Plus, there are times when I am absolutely scared to death. It's like, there is no way out - but God has His perfect timing. I just want to feel like myself. It is a weird feeling knowing I am sharing my body with another person. It's totally amazing how freaked out I get sometimes. I freak out easily. I always thought that pregnancy was a beautiful and wonderful thing - on other women. But now that it is me, I am like "Ok kid, be nice to me. I'm the momma. Don't forget whose body you're sharing!"

From the very beginning, I have been calling our kid a "she". It came out naturally and still does. In my heart, I really feel it is a girl. But I have also had 2 dreams that declare "It's a girl!" I really want a girl, I always have. I can't honestly say right now that I would not be disappointed if it was a boy. And that's sad. I never thought I could have so many emotions at one time, and let me tell you, I am an emotional woman! Always have been.

The worst thing right now is I am craving Taco Villa. You can only get it in TX and NM. I actually called my dad to see if he would overnight me some bean burritos and taco burgers!!! (www.tacovillaonline.com) Totally yummy! The BEST in Mexican food ever!!!!! I am not joking! Then I went online to find plane tickets to TX that left today or tomorrow so I could go get some fresh Taco Villa myself!!! I have never craved anything so bad! And it really hurts because I am craving something that I can't have right now since it is so far away!! Grrr...

So now I am here trying to get my mind off the unachievable.

(It isn't working...)

Dustin has been writing some really good posts. He can fill you in on all the details. I thought I would fill you in on my rollercoaster ride. I keep hearing that when it is finally time for the baby to come, I will be ready. Right now, not so much. It is weird that everyone seems happier about this pregnancy than I do. I guess because Dustin and I weren't really trying - we left it in God's hands. I half expected to never have kids since I am close to 30 and didn't have any yet. When I was younger, I always thought that I would have had a couple kids by 26. But then, I didn't know that I would still feel like a kid myself at 26.

This post has been more like random ramblings like my friend Annie. But it felt good to get it all out there. Well, most of it anyway. I am going to have to go see about getting me some Mexican, even if it isn't the true Tex-Mex that I love so much.

6 weeks

Ok, so I am now 6 weeks pregnant. And as much as I would love to tell you everything that is happening in the development process, I don't want to steal Dustin's thunder. That is on his blog. I will tell you I have been talking to this child nonstop - telling them how much I love them, but I am not liking this nausea thing one bit. Now, I will admit that I am having it much easier than most women (at least for now). I am nauseous and the past several days have been practically ALL day. But I am not losing my cookies - thank God!! Of course, I was even telling Him I would be more than happy to throw up if it got rid of the nausea for the rest of the day! It is not a fun feeling. I feel tied to my house - well I guess, more realistically, my toilet. It's hard to venture out when you aren't sure if your body is going to behave. But my Aunt Kathy had it much worse: she was deathly ill with all her boys and was on bed rest. Thank You Lord for having mercy on me.

And I keep hearing different things - like if you throw up, it's a girl and if you are just nauseous, it's a boy. Now I don't believe that for one instant. Everyone's pregnancy is so different. I have heard just the opposite. I guess we will find out for sure at the 18 or 20 week mark! I have had a dream it is a girl, but I still go between and him and her, just so I don't end up disappointed. Even though, whatever God blesses us with, we will love unconditionally, I know. We are only praying for a normal, healthy child, ten fingers, ten toes...you know the works.

When Dustin and I went to our business conference this past weekend, I was hearing from so many women that if I can just get past the 12 week mark, everything is great after that. They all got that renewed energy and felt more like themselves, only heavier. Today hasn't been too bad and I am praying it stays that way. We have our 1st official doctor's appointment tomorrow and I want to feel well. And if I must, surely they can give me a safe drug to take for the nausea. I want to keep doing the things I was doing, but feeling this way just doesn't let that happen. And Dustin is being so wonderful. He doesn't expect dinner on the table (not that he would anyway), or the house to be in perfect condition, and if I am taking a nap, it's ok. The condition of the interior of the house is starting to drive me bonkers though, so I am praying for some healing (no more nausea!) so I can get some things done around here.

It is really so neat to think about what is going on inside me every week. This week, a lot of neat things are happening. My baby will even move their arms and legs this week even though I won't feel it. Their facial features are forming as well. How awesome! When I really sit back and let God speak to me, and as I feel His presence as I learn what is going on, I know I will be able to make it through this in one piece. The result is priceless.

Well now, would you look at that?

I have always believed that God has a sense of humor and He has proved it yet again. Of course, we do leave things in His hands, knowing His will is perfect. But He sure did it this time! I am pregnant! And the most wonderful thing is that my husband Dustin is just as excited as I am, maybe more! He is even writing his own account of our first pregnancy. It is really cool. You know, my friends seem more excited than I am at times. My friend Jaime says I would be living a rollercoaster and boy is she right. I definitely have my ups and downs. I have just started feeling queasy. How can one be hungry and queasy at the same time??? I am only 5 weeks pregnant and already I am wondering how women make it the whole 9 months! There are a few websites we have gone to that can tell you week by week what is going on inside you. It is so incredible! It really is the miracle of life!

There are more reasons to be writing my blog now, but I still don't see it as addictive as some of my other friends. Maybe as this journey goes along, I will find even more to write about. And to be honest, this isn't for others to read and be entertained. This is me journaling my first pregnancy. But if you do happen by this post, thanks for stopping by. Hope you enjoy learning as I do along the way.

Life Right Now

My friend Annie said that blogging is addictive and yet, I do not find myself having much to say. That is obvious since I haven't blogged since September. But there has been a lot going on recently. Our small group is getting closer than ever. Our leaders' oldest child was baptized on Sunday and seeing them moved, moved me. I always get excited when I see more people coming to Christ, but with this little girl, I was moved to tears. Seeing her parents and realizing what it must mean to see your child become a new creation in Jesus - that was priceless.

Then I read Annie's blog, and I am inspired to write. She is an incredible person and I love reading what she has to say. I am inspired by her marriage and how she and her husband are best friends and they make each other laugh. My husband has been dealing with migraines the past 3 years and it has made marriage tough. When we can't even talk when he gets home because he needs to go lie down, it hurts. I know he hates that he can't be the husband he wants to be. I don't know why these started or what has triggered them, but they really suck. And I hate seeing him in pain - I hate knowing he is in pain. God has blessed us in so many ways, and our marriage has needed a shove in the blessing department for a long while. I am grateful for everything the Lord has done for us - but the one thing my heart desires is still in progress. Dustin separated from the Air Force the end of September and God supplied a job. It will be over in March and he will need to find something else. I am also currently looking for a job. I didn't realize how hard it was to find a job. I have submitted at least 50 resumes and have only had 2 interviews so far - all in the last 2 months. There are definitely many stressors in life, and I really try not to focus on the negative. But sometimes, it wiggles its way inside you and manifests into illness, bitterness, resentment - all that nasty stuff God never wanted us to handle.

Other than that, life is good. God has blessed us with incredible family and friends.

I never really know what to say on here. I just start typing and the words just flow...

Until next time...whenever that is....

Praise You in this Storm

Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms (Casting Crowns)

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Chorus

Have you ever heard this song? It is incredible! Today, a need arose in our lives and I sent out a prayer request to our life group. God is so good! It reminded me how much I love that group, and it reminded me that God's grace is evident in everything. Just knowing how much He loves us, and knowing what amazing friends we have, it has just lifted us up. We know we will make it through yet another challenge in our lives. It may take some sacrifice on our part, it may be hard, but we WILL make it through.

I can't express how awesome God is! I heard this song on the radio while Dustin and I were driving home this evening. It struck a chord in me. Then I came home and found THE most encouraging emails from some of the people Dustin and I love and respect the most.

God is good!!! If you are going through something tough right now, I encourage you to find this song and really listen to it. Go to your Creator and know that He is working out everything for the good - because HE is good!

God bless you all! And to those of you who were mentioned here (you know who you are) thank you from the bottom of our hearts for everything! We love you all so very much!

Side By Side

In our small group we are studying Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Last night we talked about men's need for a shoulder to shoulder friendship with his wife. It was a very enlightening discussion. Those always seem to help more than just reading the chapter. So after small group, Dustin and I proceed to leave and go to our car (Annie was parked behind us and she was talking to Karen, so we weren't going anywhere) where we sat and just talked about what we got out of the discussion and where we saw we were both not always around each other. It showed us that we needed to work on our friendship. I know I like to be where Dustin is, but I always felt it annoyed him, and I could think of so many other things I could probably be doing or would rather be doing. So I would leave and do my own thing, not knowing that it was slowly hurting not only my marriage, but my best friendship. I also realized we do not always like each other, even though we do love each other. That hurts, you know? I kept asking myself "When did this start happening? Where did we make a wrong turn?" It's funny. I kept saying to him, we need to build a friendship, because I don't feel like we have one anymore. But we didn't know how to do it...until last night.

So as we talk, Annie finally finishes her conversation with Karen, and leaves, Dustin and I following her out. Our talk just kept getting better and better. We stopped at Walmart for a vinyl shower curtain liner and some dinner. Usually, we part ways and each go get something on the list to get it done faster, but last night, we stayed side by side. We checked ourselves out, got home, and made our dinner. While it was baking, I watched him play a computer game until dinner was done. We got our plates and headed to the living room and we watched the rest of the Clemson - FL State football game. During that time, I asked him why they always say 1st and 10 and how it proceeds to 2nd and 6, 3rd and 2, etc. So while we watched football together(which I usually really hate doing), he was answering my questions so I could understand even better what was going on. That was so awesome! I enjoyed just learning from him and I actually enjoyed that game. Clemson won by the way...barely! From there we went to bed, where we actually held each other - and told each other how much we LIKED one another. Today, he got home from work, and I was in the office, checking email and such and he came and sat in here with me and read a book while I did my thing. It just made me smile and I told him again "Dustin, I really like you!" He smiled back. So, I signed into my google account to write this blog.

One small victory. I know that we will focus on building our friendship on a daily basis, now that we know what to do. Our small group has been a blessing from the very beginning! This is just another point to how God uses our group to bless everyone in it. Thank you everyone in our Life group, for choosing this book to study! It has been an answer to many prayers! We love you all!