Tuesday, January 29, 2008

2 months

WOW! I can't believe I am at the 2 month mark already. 2/3 done with 1st trimester fun! You know, I don't know how other women do it. Especially women that really get sick with their pregnancies. I am finding out I am an incredible wimp. I get nauseous and I complain. I get a headache and I complain. I get tired of sleep and I complain. So far, I really suck at being pregnant - and I have been blessed compared to others! I guess I expect to feel perfect and great all the time. I hate feeling sick, and I can see why some women would get depressed at the beginning. Plus, there are times when I am absolutely scared to death. It's like, there is no way out - but God has His perfect timing. I just want to feel like myself. It is a weird feeling knowing I am sharing my body with another person. It's totally amazing how freaked out I get sometimes. I freak out easily. I always thought that pregnancy was a beautiful and wonderful thing - on other women. But now that it is me, I am like "Ok kid, be nice to me. I'm the momma. Don't forget whose body you're sharing!"

From the very beginning, I have been calling our kid a "she". It came out naturally and still does. In my heart, I really feel it is a girl. But I have also had 2 dreams that declare "It's a girl!" I really want a girl, I always have. I can't honestly say right now that I would not be disappointed if it was a boy. And that's sad. I never thought I could have so many emotions at one time, and let me tell you, I am an emotional woman! Always have been.

The worst thing right now is I am craving Taco Villa. You can only get it in TX and NM. I actually called my dad to see if he would overnight me some bean burritos and taco burgers!!! (www.tacovillaonline.com) Totally yummy! The BEST in Mexican food ever!!!!! I am not joking! Then I went online to find plane tickets to TX that left today or tomorrow so I could go get some fresh Taco Villa myself!!! I have never craved anything so bad! And it really hurts because I am craving something that I can't have right now since it is so far away!! Grrr...

So now I am here trying to get my mind off the unachievable.

(It isn't working...)

Dustin has been writing some really good posts. He can fill you in on all the details. I thought I would fill you in on my rollercoaster ride. I keep hearing that when it is finally time for the baby to come, I will be ready. Right now, not so much. It is weird that everyone seems happier about this pregnancy than I do. I guess because Dustin and I weren't really trying - we left it in God's hands. I half expected to never have kids since I am close to 30 and didn't have any yet. When I was younger, I always thought that I would have had a couple kids by 26. But then, I didn't know that I would still feel like a kid myself at 26.

This post has been more like random ramblings like my friend Annie. But it felt good to get it all out there. Well, most of it anyway. I am going to have to go see about getting me some Mexican, even if it isn't the true Tex-Mex that I love so much.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

6 weeks

Ok, so I am now 6 weeks pregnant. And as much as I would love to tell you everything that is happening in the development process, I don't want to steal Dustin's thunder. That is on his blog. I will tell you I have been talking to this child nonstop - telling them how much I love them, but I am not liking this nausea thing one bit. Now, I will admit that I am having it much easier than most women (at least for now). I am nauseous and the past several days have been practically ALL day. But I am not losing my cookies - thank God!! Of course, I was even telling Him I would be more than happy to throw up if it got rid of the nausea for the rest of the day! It is not a fun feeling. I feel tied to my house - well I guess, more realistically, my toilet. It's hard to venture out when you aren't sure if your body is going to behave. But my Aunt Kathy had it much worse: she was deathly ill with all her boys and was on bed rest. Thank You Lord for having mercy on me.

And I keep hearing different things - like if you throw up, it's a girl and if you are just nauseous, it's a boy. Now I don't believe that for one instant. Everyone's pregnancy is so different. I have heard just the opposite. I guess we will find out for sure at the 18 or 20 week mark! I have had a dream it is a girl, but I still go between and him and her, just so I don't end up disappointed. Even though, whatever God blesses us with, we will love unconditionally, I know. We are only praying for a normal, healthy child, ten fingers, ten toes...you know the works.

When Dustin and I went to our business conference this past weekend, I was hearing from so many women that if I can just get past the 12 week mark, everything is great after that. They all got that renewed energy and felt more like themselves, only heavier. Today hasn't been too bad and I am praying it stays that way. We have our 1st official doctor's appointment tomorrow and I want to feel well. And if I must, surely they can give me a safe drug to take for the nausea. I want to keep doing the things I was doing, but feeling this way just doesn't let that happen. And Dustin is being so wonderful. He doesn't expect dinner on the table (not that he would anyway), or the house to be in perfect condition, and if I am taking a nap, it's ok. The condition of the interior of the house is starting to drive me bonkers though, so I am praying for some healing (no more nausea!) so I can get some things done around here.

It is really so neat to think about what is going on inside me every week. This week, a lot of neat things are happening. My baby will even move their arms and legs this week even though I won't feel it. Their facial features are forming as well. How awesome! When I really sit back and let God speak to me, and as I feel His presence as I learn what is going on, I know I will be able to make it through this in one piece. The result is priceless.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Well now, would you look at that?

I have always believed that God has a sense of humor and He has proved it yet again. Of course, we do leave things in His hands, knowing His will is perfect. But He sure did it this time! I am pregnant! And the most wonderful thing is that my husband Dustin is just as excited as I am, maybe more! He is even writing his own account of our first pregnancy. It is really cool. You know, my friends seem more excited than I am at times. My friend Jaime says I would be living a rollercoaster and boy is she right. I definitely have my ups and downs. I have just started feeling queasy. How can one be hungry and queasy at the same time??? I am only 5 weeks pregnant and already I am wondering how women make it the whole 9 months! There are a few websites we have gone to that can tell you week by week what is going on inside you. It is so incredible! It really is the miracle of life!

There are more reasons to be writing my blog now, but I still don't see it as addictive as some of my other friends. Maybe as this journey goes along, I will find even more to write about. And to be honest, this isn't for others to read and be entertained. This is me journaling my first pregnancy. But if you do happen by this post, thanks for stopping by. Hope you enjoy learning as I do along the way.