2 months

WOW! I can't believe I am at the 2 month mark already. 2/3 done with 1st trimester fun! You know, I don't know how other women do it. Especially women that really get sick with their pregnancies. I am finding out I am an incredible wimp. I get nauseous and I complain. I get a headache and I complain. I get tired of sleep and I complain. So far, I really suck at being pregnant - and I have been blessed compared to others! I guess I expect to feel perfect and great all the time. I hate feeling sick, and I can see why some women would get depressed at the beginning. Plus, there are times when I am absolutely scared to death. It's like, there is no way out - but God has His perfect timing. I just want to feel like myself. It is a weird feeling knowing I am sharing my body with another person. It's totally amazing how freaked out I get sometimes. I freak out easily. I always thought that pregnancy was a beautiful and wonderful thing - on other women. But now that it is me, I am like "Ok kid, be nice to me. I'm the momma. Don't forget whose body you're sharing!"

From the very beginning, I have been calling our kid a "she". It came out naturally and still does. In my heart, I really feel it is a girl. But I have also had 2 dreams that declare "It's a girl!" I really want a girl, I always have. I can't honestly say right now that I would not be disappointed if it was a boy. And that's sad. I never thought I could have so many emotions at one time, and let me tell you, I am an emotional woman! Always have been.

The worst thing right now is I am craving Taco Villa. You can only get it in TX and NM. I actually called my dad to see if he would overnight me some bean burritos and taco burgers!!! (www.tacovillaonline.com) Totally yummy! The BEST in Mexican food ever!!!!! I am not joking! Then I went online to find plane tickets to TX that left today or tomorrow so I could go get some fresh Taco Villa myself!!! I have never craved anything so bad! And it really hurts because I am craving something that I can't have right now since it is so far away!! Grrr...

So now I am here trying to get my mind off the unachievable.

(It isn't working...)

Dustin has been writing some really good posts. He can fill you in on all the details. I thought I would fill you in on my rollercoaster ride. I keep hearing that when it is finally time for the baby to come, I will be ready. Right now, not so much. It is weird that everyone seems happier about this pregnancy than I do. I guess because Dustin and I weren't really trying - we left it in God's hands. I half expected to never have kids since I am close to 30 and didn't have any yet. When I was younger, I always thought that I would have had a couple kids by 26. But then, I didn't know that I would still feel like a kid myself at 26.

This post has been more like random ramblings like my friend Annie. But it felt good to get it all out there. Well, most of it anyway. I am going to have to go see about getting me some Mexican, even if it isn't the true Tex-Mex that I love so much.